Thursday, September 8, 2011

Short Story Challenge

Earlier this week, I saw a few friends on Twitter talk about a short story challenge on Rach Writes. I'm always up for a fun challenge, so I decided to do it.

Write a short story/flash fiction story in 200 words or less. Begin the story with the words, “The door swung open." If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional), use the same beginning words and end with the words: "the door swung shut." (all included in the word count)

For those who want an even greater challenge, make your story 200 words EXACTLY!

If I'm going to take a challenge, I'm doing it, 200 exact words and all.

The door swung open, a halo of blue and red surrounded the small group as they rushed into the crowded room. Mom and dad trailed behind, worried.

“It hurts so bad!” the teen yelled into my face when I approached. She dripped with sweat, hands clutching her stomach.

One look and I knew.

“This way!” As in flight, the paramedics and I went down the hall.

From the waiting area, the mother’s voice rang down the hall, “Something’s wrong!”

We worked on her for an hour, the pain subsided. She smiled and said, “Thanks.” But things like this shouldn’t happen. She’s young with an entire life ahead, but the choice she made has consequences and now the entire family will have to support each other.

I walked into the waiting room; her parents had an identical look in their eyes, anticipation. I didn’t know where to begin.

“She ingested too many pills. We pumped her stomach, she seemed fine, but too much time had passed with the drugs in her system. Her heart failed and we couldn’t revive her. I’m so sorry.”

The silence turned into hysteric wails. I left the waiting room behind me, and the door swung shut.


  1. This is so sad. Great job pulling me in emotionally! Whew!

  2. Thank you for the comment. I really appreciate it. :)

  3. You handled such a tough subject wonderfully. Such a sad, but important story to tell.

  4. A snippet from a real-life scenario ... so sad
    My entry at no.#59

  5. That's awful but well done. Mine is #72

  6. Oh no! So sad. :( Great job at pulling off such an emotional piece in a few words!

  7. Great job, Karen! Such a tough situation, but so beautifully rendered.

  8. What an emotional piece! Great job conveying the pain that the characters are feeling.

  9. Oh my gosh this is so sad! I love it!
    Nice to meet you!
    (I'm entry #235)

  10. That is such a sad, sad scene. And you pulled it off so well.

    Great job, Karen! :)

  11. Thank you for all your thoughtful comments! I honestly appreciate them. I also returned the favor! : Sorry it took me so long!

  12. What a sad, sad story. We have a similar storyline. This one gripped me. Mine is No. 331.

  13. Karen, that is a wonderful piece filled with so much emotion in so few words. Great job.

  14. Fast paced and very emotional. Great job with such a tough subject, Karen.

  15. Wow. I wasn't expecting that! Great job Karen!